How did that happen?

A couple of months ago, I began taking some steps towards Buddhist practice. I am not practicing yet, per se. Does giving more attention and more time to the study of Buddhism count? Does going to meetings count? Maybe. I just know that whatever "practicing" means, I don't think I'm doing it yet. I've not given myself over to it fully, so thus, I can't, in good faith, call myself a Buddhist at this point.

A co-worker said today that I'm Buddhist-curious. I laughed, but I'm not that, either. I've been curious for years. This is something more.

What I've been asking myself for awhile is: "How exactly does all this work?"

How do you become one of these people who believes strongly enough in something that you commit to immersing more than your toes in it?

There are times when I am sitting there, listening to all these people chant, and I feel like, "Yes, this is where I need to be." I go to meetings and participate in discussions about Buddhist philosophies about happiness and it feels pretty right.

Despite that good feeling, I still have not gone to a meeting on my own yet (I am trying to work up the courage to attend Buddhists of African Descent sometime soon). M is pretty much my ticket in at the moment. Despite the feeling that yes, I'm on the right path, I sometimes feel like a stranger in a strange land. Everyone seems to know one another. There are all these terms that people throw around, and everyone else just nods. I'm sitting there, thinking, "What's gosho? Gongyo? Daimoku?" (Luckily, M has been a peach about answering my questions.)

Nobody's getting happy in the aisle, but this is still organized religion/spirituality. This is usually the point where I make the sign of the cross with my fingers and hiss, "Get back!" I've never done anything - anything - organized where religion is concerned.

I am learning that the gap between theory and practice can be quite large, or at the very least, can take a while to bridge.

What's more, religion has always been a very personal affair to me. Trying to integrate belief with action, and then to socialize (!) around spiritual principles is like...whoa.

But this weekend, I realized that I knew at least seven people. Seven people I could go up to and have a conversation with. Did I miss a memo? *lol* I was happy about that, but it still gave me pause. I'm actually becoming a part of something...different.

So this is part of what's been keeping me busy lately. This is my challenge and my growth.

Good times.